Where to begin. If you’ve ever seen ‘New Girl’, remember the last episode of the season, where Schmidt tries to break-up with Cece by ‘White Fanging’ her? Anyways, he just read a book called White Fang and he feels as if Cece would be better with someone as pretty and talented as her, and he feels like he doesn’t deserve her so he acts like an ass to her, breaks up with her, and shoos her away like a dog (based on the book he just read ‘White Fang’). He does this so she can find happiness at the cost of them not being together. I could say my Ex ‘White Fanged’ me. LOL.
Anyway, I gave this background because on Sunday night I ‘Flock of Seagulled’ my long term ‘In Betweener’. If you don’t know what an ‘In-Betweener’ is just read the first paragraph of my previous post.
I was hanging out with my friend’s on Sunday night and somehow the subject of ‘Tuesday’ my In-Betweener came up. He was going to try to come over to my place Sunday night so we could hook up. My Friend commented that she can’t believe in July it’s going to be a year of us sleeping with each other without having some kind of deeper relationship. My guy friend, who is the male version of me, said “Oh, he’s your casual Boyfriend”. Within the seconds it took my inner ear to send that sound wave to my brain which translated and heard BOYFRIEND! BOYFRIEND! BOYFRIEND!…my brain exploded with a ringing ALERT, ALERT, GO TO BATTLESTATIONS, THIS IS NOT A DRILL…. Sirens were going off at full volume. I told them, “NO! He’s not my casual boyfriend!”. And like a scene from an elementary school playground it was a back and forth of “Yes he is!”, “NO! He ISN’T!”. And by the time I left my friend’s place I felt white as a ghost in the car. He’s not my boyfriend! I don’t love him, he doesn’t love me, we’ve never been on a date, sure he slept overnight once but that doesn’t mean we’re monogamous with each other. He can fuck other chicks! I can fuck other dudes! And no matter how I tried to ignore the ‘B’ word, or justify my point, the sirens in my brain where still going off in full force.
So sitting in my car, still in the parking lot of my friend’s house, I ‘Flock of Seagulled’ his ass. “And I RAN! I Ran so Far Away! I just Ran, I Ran all night and Day!”.
How did I achieve this you may ask? Let me begin by saying that I freely admit to having the emotional maturity of an 8 year old when it comes to dumping someone. I have written ‘Dear John’ letters, told them their voice is too deep and they sound like a rapist, they look like a white monkey, they need to grow a pair of balls and man up, etc. I’m a Disaster. I don’t know how to reject someone and I hate doing it (unless they piss me off). I’ve actually tried breaking things off with Tuesday before, by ignoring his texts. But that backfired because when I don’t text him back asap, he gets annoyed/insecure, texts me a whole bunch, I then feel guilty, chicken out from cutting ties, and we have sex again. However, for the last couple of months he’s been acting kind of vague and weird when I ask simple questions. For example, I asked if he normally works late or what his schedule looks like. He mumbles something like ‘sure; work late’ and changes the subject. I literally start laughing. I can’t help it. He has a look in his face like I want to squeeze information out of him for devious purposes. Listen, he works at a Ruby Tuesday. First of all, I’ve never been to one. There isn’t one near me. I would never waste the gas to go to one just to see him at his job. I asked for his work schedule so I know when I can call him to come over so we can hook up. So picture this, we just had great sex, we’re both in the shower talking shit and I ask him this question. He gets all awkward and vague, I immediately start cracking up in laughter, he asks me why I’m laughing and I don’t have the heart to tell him that A: I’m asking questions with a logical purpose, B: I’m trying to be a bit more polite than usual, you know, like I care a bit. And this happens multiple times. The look on his face when he avoids the topic is Epic. Like a deer in headlights. And for some reason I don’t have the heart to tell him that there’s no way I’ll fall in love with him. I think that’s his fear. But, realistically dude. Why would I fall for someone that told me he is as emotionally unavailable as I am. Second, in a way, he reminds me of my Ex. And I don’t want to get ‘White Fanged’ again down the line. We have never been on a date. And I barely know anything about him. If I remember correctly he’s from Georgia, 29, I think he has 1 brother, I know he has an Aunt here in Miami, and he works at a Ruby Tuesday. Yup, that’s all a girl needs to know in order to give her heart away to a boy. Just because I opened my legs for you doesn’t mean I opened my heart too. If anything I locked it up a little bit more because you put out so easily. And so the only way I could ‘Flock of Seagull’ from him was by giving him his worst nightmare. I texted him like 4 times about how badly I wanted his cock, then sent a text about how drunk I was (totally not true, but I had a feeling it might offend his Christian sensibilities), and then sent another text apologizing for all the texts and ended it with ‘ttyl’. Haven’t heard from him since. I realize he might come out of the woodwork later on. But for now, the sirens in my head have been silenced. Did I totally panic? Hell Yes, and maybe Overreact? Maybe. But what can I say, I thought I was ready to fall in love again, and I wanted a boyfriend. I wanted to have what I lost about a year ago. At least that’s what I thought. And when I was told I had a Casual Boyfriend I freaked out. Maybe I’m not ready. Or maybe I’m just not ready with Tuesday. Who knows? All I know is that if I fall in love again, it won’t be because I was looking for it, or because I decided to try to love again. It will be because Love found me. And I stumbled on a rock and fell face forward onto it. And hopefully it will be with someone that I won’t want to ‘Flock of Seagulls’ from. 😉