Category Archives: I’m an Open Book…

In a Relationship: When does compromising, Compromise who you are?

Today I was talking to a friend who is questioning her relationship with her ex. And the main issue is the expectations they have of each other. He wants someone that wants to settle, and She wants someone to support her ambitions and dreams no matter where they take her. But, where is the line between compromising for the sake of your relationship, and changing who you are for the sake of your relationship?

We’ve all compromised on some miniscule level with our partners. Let some annoying habits slide, cringed but kept our mouths shut when they said something inappropriate, embarrassing, or just wrong. But what happens when those compromises start adding up. And one morning you wake up to the startling realization that you love this person so MUCH, you’ve let loads of shit slide under the rug to the point that you look at the person you were before them, and come to the conclusion that you love/respect that girl (or boy) MORE, than who you are now.

Based on my observation, aside from blinding love, the key to long lasting relationships is compromise. Which is totally understandable and logical.

Two different people, with differing opinions, on different things, someone’s gotta give sometimes. But before you enter into a serious relationship, you have to, HAVE TO, have fallen in love with someone for who they are and who THEY want to be. Not for whom YOU want them to be. The person they are today is who they will be tomorrow. If they didn’t want to change for themselves, why would you think they would change for you? It’s their essence, their core, their light. And who are you to snuff that light out? Whether they are settled and you want them to be ambitious, or they are assholes and you want them to grow up. I refuse to fall in love deluding myself into thinking that I’m going to make someone “better” or “different” according to MY ideals of what they need to be. That’s Fucked up! I fell in love based on who they were. Based on THEIR current ambitions, and visions of what They would do, and who THEY would be. And I was there to support them and those dreams. Never in that equation did I expect them to be anything different, than who they showed me from the beginning. And I would expect the same in return.

I heard this great quote from Dave Chapelle that goes “name your price and if it ever get’s more expensive then the price you named, get out of there.”  When it comes to relationships, compromising, and changing who you are whether you term it “growth” or “maturing” in a relationship, this advice applies. Name your price. What’s your line in the sand? Going out dancing less?, Sacrificing some of your dreams or ambitions? Travelling?, Time with your friends?, Relationships with your family?, Messiness?, Jealousy?, Behavioral habits?, Hygiene habits?.  What is YOUR price?. And if they refuse to compromise on your bottom line price, then get the hell out of there. I would rather be alone and love/respect the woman that I am or have become, than be married or in a relationship, lonely, giving up everything I used to hold dear to me, just to receive the love of a man that never truly loved me, or respected me enough to accommodate my wants and needs, but instead only gives his love to the woman HE chose me to become.

*Some food for thought 😉

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Hilarious ecards… Enjoy ;)

At the touch of Love everyone becomes a poet – Plato

So tonight is one of those girly movies, chick flicks night. Hurricane Isaac has me grounded. And I’m simultaneously watching “Julie and Julia” as well as “The Wedding Date”. Two of my favorite movies. And those of you who know me are very well aware, that as much as I put up a front of a hard ass when it comes to love. At my core I’m truly a hopeful romantic. Not hopeless since I know he’s out there for me. Waiting for our moment in time when we’ll be together. I’ve always felt in the depths of my heart, from the time when I crushed on Darien from sailor moon as a child, to Devon Sawa, Slash from Guns-n-Roses, Justin Timberlake, Usher, etc., but most importantly the essence of whom my love would truly resemble, the ever timeless Mr. Darcy, that true love, everlasting love, love that’s easy, hard, full of laughter, some tears, love that compromises, and is stubborn at times, Love that lasts 60+ years of marriage, through the years you adored each other, but most importantly through the years you couldn’t stand the sight of each other. That love does exist.

And so, I want to share with you some of my all time favorite love quotes. The lines from poets, movies, books, and songs, that in the privacy of my heart I revel in. Hope you enjoy 🙂

“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
― Dr. Seuss

“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.”
― Pablo Neruda100 Love Sonnets

From the movie Practical Magic:

Sometimes I feel like there’s a hole inside of me, an emptiness that at times seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean. The moon tonight, there’s a circle around it. Sign of trouble not far behind. I have this dream of being whole. Of not going to sleep each night, wanting. But still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing… I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen. I don’t know. Maybe I had my happiness. I don’t want to believe it but, there is no man, Gilly. Only that moon.

Practical Magic:

Gillian Owens: You ever put your arms out and spin really, really fast?
Antonia Owens: She does it all the time.
Gillian Owens: She does? Well, that’s what love is like. It makes your heart race. It turns the world upside down. But if you’re not careful, if you don’t keep your eyes on something still, you can lose your balance. You can’t see what’s happening to the people around you. You can’t see that you’re about to fall.

*From the movie Troy (Achilles to Briseis as he’s dying):

Achilles: You gave me peace in a lifetime of war.

From the movie Wedding Date (a couple of quotes from Nick):

Nick Mercer: I’d rather fight with you than make love with anyone else.

Nick Mercer: The hardest thing is loving someone and then having the courage to let them love you back. But if you know her shit and she knows yours, and at the end of the day if you still would rather give up than try, nothings ever going to be worth it.

Nick Mercer: I think I’d miss you even if we never met.

Nick Mercer: Here’s to the husbands who’ve won you, the losers who’ve lost you, and the lucky bastards who’ve yet to meet you.

Jane Austen – Pride and Prejudice

Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy: You must know… surely, you must know it was all for you. You are too generous to trifle with me. I believe you spoke with my aunt last night, and it has taught me to hope as I’d scarcely allowed myself before. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes have not changed, but one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.

Jane Austen – Persuasion

“You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope…I have loved none but you.”
― Jane AustenPersuasion

“I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant. You alone have brought me to Bath. For you alone, I think and plan. Have you not seen this? Can you fail to have understood my wishes? I had not waited even these ten days, could I have read your feelings, as I think you must have penetrated mine. I can hardly write. I am every instant hearing something which overpowers me. You sink your voice, but I can distinguish the tones of that voice when they would be lost on others. Too good, too excellent creature! You do us justice, indeed. You do believe that there is true attachment and constancy among men. Believe it to be most fervent, most undeviating, in F. W. I must go, uncertain of my fate; but I shall return hither, or follow your party, as soon as possible. A word, a look, will be enough to decide whether I enter your father’s house this evening or never.”
― Jane AustenPersuasion

Music: Flyleaf – All around me

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I’m breathing
Holding on to what I’m feeling
Savoring this heart that’s healing

My hands float up above me
And you whisper you love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place

Music: Stevie Nicks – Crystal

How the faces of love have changed turning
the pages
And I have changed oh, but you…you remain
ageless
I turned around
And the water was closing all around
Like a glove
Like the love that had finally, finally found me
Then I knew
In the crystalline knowledge of you…

 Music: Death Cab for Cutie – I’ll follow you into the dark

Love of mine some day you will die
But I’ll be close behind
I’ll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no’s on their vacancy signs

If there’s no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I’ll follow you into the dark.

From Bob Marley:

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”
― Bob Marley

So True

Life’s a Fair…. and what a Ride it has been

Yesterday I had a couple of catalysts that ultimately caused me to have one of the best epiphanies of my life. The first catalyst was my Ex’s announcement of his new relationship. The second was a text from my friends letting me know that they had been talking about me and how much they love me. Those two catalysts happened very close to each other. And they both touched me in different ways. I’m currently in the process of trying to change career’s which entails more school. And immediately after receiving those two messages I felt oddly liberated and looking forward to my new life and where it’s going. I got on the internet and searched all my possibilities, searched all the countries I want to see, the adventurous experience I want to have like skydiving and jumping from a gorgeous cliff into crystal blue waters, I imagined the people I would meet, the love I will find, the friends that will be by my side. And this revelation made me reflect on my life and how I’ve been living it.

One or two years ago I went to the Fair and got on a ride I would never touch out of fear, I ate things I never thought I would eat, I was pushed out of my comfort zone by my friends and ex, and had one of the best Fair days ever. As I was driving to work today it hit me that Life is like a Fair. There are rides you will never go on out of fear, those that you can’t get enough of, those that you try once and are too terrified to do again, and those that are so boring you don’t care to give a second chance. You go into the Fair wide-eyed, excited, nervous, anxious. Some of us will dare to go down every alley and see it all. Some of us will choose certain paths and not stray from it. You can’t wait to see what prizes you will win or what games you’ll lose. And as you walk out towards the long crowded parking lot, you’ll reflect on everything you saw, did, experienced, and decide whether you had the time of your life and are content with the Fair, or if you wish you had chosen differently, seen more, spent more time there, or could have changed something.

Everyone strives to leave the Fair (Life) saying, “I had the time of my life, no regrets, no shame, laughed, loved, cried, was daring, experienced everything I was meant to, and I hope to be there next time you come to town, IF there is a next time.” I think back upon my life and am in awe of my Fair. I have had friends push me out of my comfort zones and I have ridden rides I never imagined I would dare to. I have seen things, won grand prizes, and lost great games. My heart is full and all I look forward to is how much fuller it can get before it bursts. You know how people say, ‘I love you, but I’m not in love with you’. Fuck that shit. I’m IN Love with everyone.

*I’m In Love with my nieces and nephews, for reminding me of how precious pure love and unbridled innocence can be. As we age, whether in large amounts or small increments, life makes us jaded in some regards. But if only we could go back and remember what it’s like to run and catch bubbles on a summer day with the sprinklers wetting us. Or to walk into Disney world, stop, and stare at this wonderful land where true love exists, good always defeats evil, and everything, no matter how crazy an idea, is possible.

*I’m deeply In Love with my brothers’ and sisters’. They held my small hand in theirs and made sure that I would travel through life under their protection, learning from their successes, as well as from their failures. They combed my hair and sent me to school. Taught me how to fight for everything I want to get in this life and stand up for myself and others when called for. They taught me how to mostly pass off as a girl 😉 (That one is still in the works).  They wiped away tears, cried at my successes, imparted their wisdom to me, and gave me the best kids an aunt could ever ask for. And I know that no matter what, should I ever fall, they will be the ones, arms wide open, ready to catch me, brush off my scraped knee, and help me get back up.

* I’m In Love with my friends. They are not afraid to bully past my bravado and pride to enter my soul and push me out of my comfort zone to make me a better ME. To my wifey J, we have been inseparable for over a decade. As much as I am your rock, I want you to know that you are my anchor. You keep me grounded, and let me know it’s ok to fall on your face, be a little crazy, and get onto the next chapter life has in store.  To E, you are my wings. You inspire me to see the world, be humble, positively impact the lives of those that cross my path, and because you I see this world through a kaleidoscope. Full of colors, wonder, differences, and a gorgeous light that no one can snuff out. No matter how much they try. To B, I have never met someone that pushes their friends to be the best that they can be in every aspect of life and would move heaven and earth to make it happen for them. Whether it’s in my career, my future career, my financials, my health, my heart, my mind, you are my net. Sometimes I’m so hopeful in my climb that I don’t think of the possibility of the fall. And when I fall you are there to catch me mid air, and help me climb up again. To V, you my friend are my courage. You give me the push and strength I need to get out of my comfort zone and strive for more; for better; for different. You remind me that it’s ok to have a heart and feel. I don’t always have to be the rock or hard for others. You let me know it’s ok to have a rock of my own and to lean on it when I needed. Pride be damned. To Jy, of course you fall into 2 categories as my sister and best friend. As my older sister we have held each other’s hands since I was 11 and we have travelled through life without letting go. You have been my partner in crime. You let me know its ok to fail, fall on your face, embarrass myself, but that there is no shame or regrets in the attempt to fly. Whether it is with boys, love, school, friends, life, we have held each other through it all. And I am so grateful we were fated to be together, holding hands as children, until we are forced to let go as old bittys. And even then I know we’ll hold hands again in the future.

*And finally, I’m In Love with all of those who held my heart or my body. Since middle school they have made me feel things I never knew were possible. You have made me feel joy, excitement, nervousness, exhilaration, ecstasy, pain, and love. Sometimes we focus so much on all other aspects of life and we ignore our hearts. Guilty as charged. But whether they were a short ride in the Fair, not worth the tickets, or a longer ride that made your heart race, they have all made my heart what it is today and made others have to be worthy of receiving it. They all played their part and made choices that have opened doors for someone better or different to take their place. When my heart was broken over a year ago, I was so focused on the pain and the hurt that I didn’t realize the gift I was given. My Ex wanted to become a better man for me on his own, at the risk of losing me. He saw something that I didn’t see. He saw the flaws in himself and felt they needed to be fixed for us to have a future together. All I saw was an asshole breaking our hearts for no good reason. But for some reason I could never truly bring myself to begrudge his decision. And so, as my first true love, I will say, I’m in Love with you. For loving me enough to let me go when you needed to. Sometimes that’s the best gift anyone could give to their partners. If it’s meant to be, then eventually it will be. And if not, then at least we have the freedom to let our ‘Meant to be’ find us. And so thank you. I could never begrudge you wanting better for yourself. That’s the only thing I would ever want for you. Your happiness. And so with that being said, I wholeheartedly wish that you get everything you ever want in life. Thanks for the ride. And my gift to you in return is wishing you leave this Fair saying “I had the time of my life, no regrets, no shame, laughed, loved, cried, was daring, experienced everything I was meant to, and I hope to be there next time you come to town, IF there is a next time.”

He just got “Flock of Seagulled”

Where to begin. If you’ve ever seen ‘New Girl’, remember the last episode of the season, where Schmidt tries to break-up with Cece by ‘White Fanging’ her? Anyways, he just read a book called White Fang and he feels as if Cece would be better with someone as pretty and talented as her, and he feels like he doesn’t deserve her so he acts like an ass to her, breaks up with her, and shoos her away like a dog (based on the book he just read ‘White Fang’). He does this so she can find happiness at the cost of them not being together. I could say my Ex ‘White Fanged’ me. LOL.

Anyway, I gave this background because on Sunday night I ‘Flock of Seagulled’ my long term ‘In Betweener’. If you don’t know what an ‘In-Betweener’ is just read the first paragraph of my previous post.

I was hanging out with my friend’s on Sunday night and somehow the subject of ‘Tuesday’ my In-Betweener came up. He was going to try to come over to my place Sunday night so we could hook up. My Friend commented that she can’t believe in July it’s going to be a year of us sleeping with each other without having some kind of deeper relationship. My guy friend, who is the male version of me, said “Oh, he’s your casual Boyfriend”.  Within the seconds it took my inner ear to send that sound wave to my brain which translated and heard BOYFRIEND! BOYFRIEND! BOYFRIEND!…my brain exploded with a ringing ALERT, ALERT, GO TO BATTLESTATIONS, THIS IS NOT A DRILL…. Sirens were going off at full volume. I told them, “NO! He’s not my casual boyfriend!”. And like a scene from an elementary school playground it was a back and forth of “Yes he is!”, “NO! He ISN’T!”. And by the time I left my friend’s place I felt white as a ghost in the car. He’s not my boyfriend! I don’t love him, he doesn’t love me, we’ve never been on a date, sure he slept overnight once but that doesn’t mean we’re monogamous with each other. He can fuck other chicks! I can fuck other dudes! And no matter how I tried to ignore the ‘B’ word, or justify my point, the sirens in my brain where still going off in full force.

So sitting in my car, still in the parking lot of my friend’s house, I ‘Flock of Seagulled’ his ass. “And I RAN! I Ran so Far Away! I just Ran, I Ran all night and Day!”.

How did I achieve this you may ask? Let me begin by saying that I freely admit to having the emotional maturity of an 8 year old when it comes to dumping someone. I have written ‘Dear John’ letters, told them their voice is too deep and they sound like a rapist, they look like a white monkey, they need to grow a pair of balls and man up, etc. I’m a Disaster. I don’t know how to reject someone and I hate doing it (unless they piss me off). I’ve actually tried breaking things off with Tuesday before, by ignoring his texts. But that backfired because when I don’t text him back asap, he gets annoyed/insecure, texts me a whole bunch, I then feel guilty, chicken out from cutting ties, and we have sex again. However, for the last couple of months he’s been acting kind of vague and weird when I ask simple questions. For example, I asked if he normally works late or what his schedule looks like. He mumbles something like ‘sure; work late’ and changes the subject. I literally start laughing. I can’t help it. He has a look in his face like I want to squeeze information out of him for devious purposes. Listen, he works at a Ruby Tuesday. First of all, I’ve never been to one. There isn’t one near me. I would never waste the gas to go to one just to see him at his job. I asked for his work schedule so I know when I can call him to come over so we can hook up. So picture this, we just had great sex, we’re both in the shower talking shit and I ask him this question. He gets all awkward and vague, I immediately start cracking up in laughter, he asks me why I’m laughing and I don’t have the heart to tell him that A: I’m asking questions with a logical purpose, B: I’m trying to be a bit more polite than usual, you know, like I care a bit. And this happens multiple times. The look on his face when he avoids the topic is Epic. Like a deer in headlights. And for some reason I don’t have the heart to tell him that there’s no way I’ll fall in love with him. I think that’s his fear. But, realistically dude. Why would I fall for someone that told me he is as emotionally unavailable as I am. Second, in a way, he reminds me of my Ex. And I don’t want to get ‘White Fanged’ again down the line. We have never been on a date. And I barely know anything about him. If I remember correctly he’s from Georgia, 29, I think he has 1 brother, I know he has an Aunt here in Miami, and he works at a Ruby Tuesday. Yup, that’s all a girl needs to know in order to give her heart away to a boy. Just because I opened my legs for you doesn’t mean I opened my heart too. If anything I locked it up a little bit more because you put out so easily. And so the only way I could ‘Flock of Seagull’ from him was by giving him his worst nightmare. I texted him like 4 times about how badly I wanted his cock, then sent a text about how drunk I was (totally not true, but I had a feeling it might offend his Christian sensibilities), and then sent another text apologizing for all the texts and ended it with ‘ttyl’. Haven’t heard from him since. I realize he might come out of the woodwork later on. But for now, the sirens in my head have been silenced. Did I totally panic? Hell Yes, and maybe Overreact? Maybe. But what can I say, I thought I was ready to fall in love again, and I wanted a boyfriend. I wanted to have what I lost about a year ago. At least that’s what I thought. And when I was told I had a Casual Boyfriend I freaked out. Maybe I’m not ready. Or maybe I’m just not ready with Tuesday. Who knows? All I know is that if I fall in love again, it won’t be because I was looking for it, or because I decided to try to love again. It will be because Love found me. And I stumbled on a rock and fell face forward onto it. And hopefully it will be with someone that I won’t want to ‘Flock of Seagulls’ from. 😉

In Between you, me, and my sheets ;)

For months now I’ve been trying to figure out how to write about what I’ve termed an ‘In Betweener’ or the more commonly known ‘friends with benefits’.  Though, realistically I don’t consider them friends. Even though we may have been having sex for a long time (months to years), I like to keep my In Betweener’s away from my personal circle of friends, co-workers, and family. Now, you may be asking yourself why I call them In-betweeners aside from the fact that I don’t really consider them my friends. Mostly, it’s because their purpose is to fulfill your physical and carnal needs during a transitional period in your life. It could be during college when you’re discovering yourself as a person and are trying to figure out what you want to do for the rest of your life. It could be in between relationships. Almost like a rebound without the messy rebound entanglements of unrequited love due to previous baggage. You could have an in betweener to experiment with your sexuality or even to heal yourself from heartbreak. And so they are the person that helps smooth out periods of down time between important chapters of your life. However, this kind of relationship only works if done correctly.

In betweeners, or friends with benefits come with blaring warning signs. BEWARE. If done wrong, or if you chose the wrong person to have this relationship with, then I see headaches in the future for you. When scouting for this person, there are key traits I look for:

  • How connected are they to my sphere of influence = If they are a close friend of my friends, family, or co-workers it’s a No-no. Should anything go wrong, you risk those other relationships as collateral damage since people like to talk, take sides, and be judgmental in general. After all, they are only human.
  • Social Media Habits  = If they are constantly on social media networks and brag about unfriending people (petty behavior) or express too much personal information on their walls and in their tweets then they are definitely disqualified. First of all, no one wants the world to know their business and that behavior is a huge Warning sign of an emotionally unstable person that doesn’t mind airing their dirty laundry and yours for the world to see. Also, stay away from them as they might use these formats to cyber-stalk you and see where you are going and who you’re with.
  • Carefree Vibe = You want someone that doesn’t take too many things to heart and doesn’t get offended easily. If they are too sensitive stay away. Crazies are over sensitive, emotionally unstable, and overreact (so they can’t be the jealous type either). Feel them out, make sure they are on the same page as you.
  • Once you pass the first three we can concentrate on level of attraction and sexual prowess. My In-betweeners tend to be on a probationary period in the beginning. I want to see how available they are to me when I need them, how attracted I am to their naked body, and how high or low our sexual compatibility is. Just because he’s the most gorgeous man doesn’t mean he knows how to make a girl orgasm.

All of these things I’ve learned through trial and error. When beginning a relationship like this I like to be very blunt about what I’m looking for and what my expectations are. The last thing I ever want anyone to do is accuse me of misleading them and hurting them in the end. If I am 100% brutally honest at all times, and they still feel hurt by me, then they have no one else to blame but themselves. Plain and simple. I don’t send mixed signals by any means. We don’t go out on dates, we don’t go out in public hand in hand, they don’t meet my family, and rarely my friends. They have their wonderful life and I have mine. Its only when we meet for hours of sex that we let loose with each other via our bodies. Here are a couple of experiences I’ve had. Some have been great and some have sucked ass.

  • One of my first In-betweeners began to see me in a different light and accused me of not calling him enough to talk and he didn’t like that fact that during my alma mater’s football season the games on Saturday took precedence over him. He through a fit over the phone and wished my football team a losing season. I felt those were grounds for immediate dismissal. If I wanted a sensitive drama queen as a boyfriend I would have told him so in the beginning. But he knew I didn’t want anything serious with him. He lasted 2 months before I had to let him go as an In-betweener.
  • I’ve had a younger lover, 4 years to be exact. And big mistake! For some dumb reason he liked to talk to me about how he almost got into fights and then he would flip the script and go all poetic latin lover on me. BIG turnoff!! Totally lost my hard on after 2 weeks even though he was pretty good in the sac. But definitely not worth the trouble.
  • I had one that lasted for around 2 years. At about a year and a half, I fell in love for the first time, told him I got a boyfriend and it was serious. He tried to convince me to keep our casual relationship and dump my boy but I was in love and I don’t cheat so he knew he was out of luck with me. As soon as my relationship with my first love imploded I texted him ‘Hi’ and he knew it was over with my boyfriend. I give my In-betweener’s nicknames and his was the Korean Hacker. And so, the Korean hacker and I had sex soon after my break-up because I wanted to get the stench of my ex off of me and try to heal emotionally. And I have to admit it was too soon after the break-up because I always had orgasms with the Korean hacker but this time I was just blocked and didn’t enjoy it as much. After the sex, we were cuddling when he asked me why I chose my boyfriend over him and how he wants us to have a relationship that’s more serious than our casual flings. That’s when I knew he had to go. Till this day he’s the only in-betweener I’ve ever erased from my books. Unless he contacts me I definitely can’t contact him. I was very upfront about how I never wanted a relationship with him and now is not the right time for me to jump into another serious relationship when I’m still hung up on my ex. And because he felt hurt that I chose my ex over him, the alarms in my mind went off and I knew for his sake we needed a clean no contact break.

These are just examples of ones that have gone wrong. But you need some rain for the rainbow to appear and so, the following tale is about a man I call Tuesday. I nicknamed him that since the majority of the time we’ve been together the only day during the week we can hook up is on Tuesday. I met him in July and we are coming up on our one year anniversary of this casual relationship (Wow! time flies…weird). At that point in my life I was still healing from my ex but I wanted to push forward and try to move on. So I decided to follow the advice of a great man named Marvin Gaye and do some Sexual Healing. In the beginning it was rough in the sense that I didn’t orgasm the way that I used to. He’s the first person I ever faked an orgasm with. And I was so closed off to him emotionally that he would tell me things about himself like his age, where he’s from, where he works, and once a month for the first 3 months I would ask him those questions again. For the life of me I couldn’t remember those details about him because at that point in my life he was inconsequential to me. Someone I could really care less about and wouldn’t blink twice if I never saw again. But he did the sweetest things that over time softened me up a bit. In the beginning I used to compare my sex with him to the sex I had with my ex and he would fall short of that. But after a while the reverse happened. In retrospect it was like taming a stubborn wild stallion (sorry, just watched Secretariat and I have it stuck in my mind…lol). With some patience and sweet talk on his behalf he broke through a little bit of my defenses. And I knew I was over my ex when my orgasms matched and surpassed the ones I had with the ex and instead of comparing him to my ex I would compare my ex to him and the ex would fall leagues shorter than Tuesday. So far Tuesday has been the best In-betweener to date. We are both closed for business emotionally so we never run into any kind of drama. He has his life and dreams. I have mine. But when we get together, its fireworks!! Honestly, it’s a passion I have never experienced before. It’s so hot we can make out for hours and I would be satisfied. But that never happens since clothes get ripped off soon after and hands can’t stay away from each other.  We are very clear with each other that we want to have the freedom to date other people or have safe sex with others. And so far I think we have the best casual relationship ever. So here’s to you Tuesday! Cheers babe! I’m glad we found each other and understand each other’s needs and wants. And even though we don’t share our pasts with each other or our hearts with one another, and you may never know this, Thank you for helping me get over my first love. Sheryl Crow said it best with her song ‘The first cut is the deepest’. And it takes a very special man to heal that deep wound. So thank you for being that man. Couldn’t have picked a better one. And so, Tuesday is my current In-betweener until my second love comes around. On a side note, I’m very excited. According to my family psychic he’s American, tall, has a brother that lives abroad, and she mentioned something about kids but I forgot if he has the kids or his brother has the kids. She also told me that he will fall in love with me and I would have to choose whether I wanted his heart. Because once he gives it, he does so completely and passionately. And thanks to Tuesday I think I’ll say yes to that decision. Because now that I’m over my ex and what happened. I’m ready to take that leap of faith again with someone else and see how deep I fall and what I’ll discover when I’m there.

*Sorry this post was so long but apparently I’m a bit of a connoisseur on the subject and have a lot of experiences and advice to share. Also, VERY IMPORTANT… Have safe sex with all you’re In-Betweeners. I have a condom stash at all times. You never know if they have had sex with someone else. Better to be safe than sorry 🙂

Are you worthy of me?…

Let me begin by saying this isn’t a narcissistic rant about how great I am. This really pertains to love and relationships. Recently, I’ve had in depth conversations with one of my best friends who is currently following her dreams all the way to Yogyakarta, Indonesia. Some of our conversations have been about whether true love exists, if it’s possible to fall in love with someone again after a decade apart even if it didn’t work the first time around, the men we’ve dated, if we’ll ever get married, and the man worthy of us calling husband, corazón, mon cher, meu amor, etc..

Every person I dated, had sex with, had a slight flirtation with, fell in love with, gave me glimpses of what I want and don’t want in my mate. Specifically, what would make the next man whom I call corazón, amor mio, or if it ever happens, husband worthy of me calling them that. So, the question is this:

Knowing that I, your Goddess, am worthy of you. Are you worthy of being my King?

Are you worthy of my love despite your character flaws and scars inside and out? Are you worthy of the fights I’m going to concede to you or compromise on even though it will chafe my ass the entire time I’m doing it just because I know they are meaningless in the bigger picture that is us? Are you worthy of my loyalty and strength I’ll give you when it seems your life is too rough or going down the wrong path? Do you deserve the respect I’ll give your decisions in certain situations even if I don’t agree with them 100%? Are you worthy of the fights we’ll have because I’m as stubborn as you and won’t let you get your way all the time? Do you deserve the months or years of my youth I’ll invest in you as my one and only mate? Are you good enough to be my best friend, the one that I’ll move heaven and earth to make incandescently happy, tell all my secrets and thoughts to without fear of judgment, the one who’s hand I’ll reach for and intertwine fingers with to get comfort from whenever I’m scared? Are you worthy of all the pleasure I’ll give you as you orgasm in my arms? Do you deserve the strength I’ll give you when you are unsure about a decision or are fearful of anything? (If we go down this path), Are you worthy of the awesome kids I’ll bear you and the great mother I’ll be to them? Do you deserve me and all the experiences we’ll share together discovering this world and the love we share? I know who I am, I’m secure in who I am, and I trust who I am. Can I trust you and have faith in you to always be honest with me and have my best interest in mind?

I as your Goddess am willing to give you all of the things mentioned above. I’m willing to give you my prized possessions, my heart, my intelligence, my body. And my question to you is, are you, worthy of being my King and holding said treasures in your possession?

I guess this is the type of man or love I’m waiting to find me. My counterpoint. The man that when combined with me creates a harmonic relationship while retaining or enhancing our individuality.

I could add things to this list like physical traits, financially stable, etc. But I’ve never been one to give too much importance to those things. God knows I fell in love with broke and unemployed because what I truly cared about was heart, ambition, and chemistry. So I guess that’s it. Just a couple of thoughts. This isn’t really meant towards anyone as much as it’s me realizing a couple of things. Oh, and I think every woman is a Goddess in her own right, waiting for her King to find her. Didn’t want to sound narcissistic 😉

Blogging about how I suck at….blogging

Hi Loves,

I’ve come to the realization that I’m a bad blogger. Its reminds me of having a diary when I was a kid. And I sucked at having a diary. Normally I would write in it as soon as I got it and then 5 years later I’ll find it with only that first entry and I would swear that this time I will keep up….But I never do. My friend that’s a writer suggested I should make a schedule and dedicate myself to it. Wake up at 7am… work out…(never happens by the way)….8am….breakfast and emails…. 10am….New Post on Blog….and so on. I suck at routines…and I don’t eat breakfast. Aside from being a writer my friend is also somewhat of a life coach. I love her, she rocks my world. I have no clue how she keeps so motivated. She has a daily schedule taped to all four walls of her room and on her ceiling. So when she wakes up, she knows exactly what needs to be done and is constantly being reminded of that. In retrospect, I should do that….hhmm…

Anyways, she has some hilarious dating stories herself and she is going to send them to me for your reading pleasure. Because I suck at keeping up with the writing and because I love hearing other people’s stories, I want to open my blog up to anyone that would like to post. Feel free to share your own funny story with me. I’m still figuring out how to make it into a forum. But for now, you can send me your story via email: ElDSpot@gmail.com, let me know what author name you would like to give it or if you want to stay anonymous, and I’ll post it 🙂 … Thank you for reading my blog…hope you had some laughs 😉

Best First Date: Wings, good conversation, spontaneity, Orlando?

So my loves…. I had the most interesting first date ever last night…..and based on the events that occurred I’m categorizing it as the Best First Date Ever, based on the level of fun and randomness. So, boy picks me up, we go to dinner. Not gonna lie, cute, tall, good body, nice smile, and chivalrous to boot. During dinner we are talking about everything and anything. We could go from making jokes to questioning each others ideals on certain topics. It was great. He would call me out on my bullshit and I would call him out on his. And if you know me, its nice to find a guy that can put me in my place and be secure enough for me to do the same back to him on certain issues. No more ‘girly’ guys for me ( J… ;)…). So, dinner ends and he asks me what I want to do now. I told him anything. So he gets on the turnpike north…. and then we are on it for a while…I ask him where are we going?….he says HardRock in Ft. Laud. …. we pass a sign that says turnpike north Ft. Lauderdale/Orlando. Jokingly I say ” If we are going to Ft. Laud might as well go to Orlando” …he says “You want to?” …. I reply “Are you serious!?”… He says “Yea” ….if you know me I can’t turn down a dare…. so I replied “I’m game lets go”. I have to say, was it kind of crazy in retrospect…hell yea… was it spontaneous and exciting…fuck yea!!…..I think spontaneity is one of those qualities that is highly underrated in a partner. After a while of being in a relationship you get into a routine and lose some of that unexpected, let’s do something for the hell of it, type of spontaneity that makes your relationship exciting. So, why not start off on a great note and be spontaneous on our first date.

For 3 and a half hours driving up, all we did was talk about everything. Work, family, ambitions, the works. And let me just say, road tripping with someone is a pretty big commitment. If they are annoying as hell you are stuck with them in a small space….for hours!.. I mean, I can’t give you a better description of hell. Thank God I didn’t suffer through that with him. We get there…decided we would probably sleep over but the boy gets hungry and we go to Buffalo Wild Wings in Orlando. We are sitting there, he’s eating and then both of us pretty much come back to earth and realize all the shit we have to do for work the next day and how we really can’t waste the day having fun in the theme parks at Orlando (which, had we had the day free from work would’ve been our plans). So wings over, we head to the car, pass by a drunk girl having a fight with her friend who claims she punched her….you had to be there…that chick was fucking funny!!….hell, we almost ran her drunken ass over because she was about to walk right in front our rolling car…she flips us off …and proceeds to stumble off on her merry way.

Another 4 hours in the car and my date that started at 6pm officially ended at 6:13am. My friends that’s a Lot of conversation. I mean, you really get to know someone and what they are about by being stuck with them in a car with nothing but the radio on low in the background and your tired minds trying to stay awake till we made it back to Miami. In a nut shell… fun, exhausting, spontaneous, the making out didn’t hurt either 🙂 , and good company. Best First Date. We’ll see how it goes with the boy 😉  so far…on to a good start 🙂