Tag Archives: Love

In a Relationship: When does compromising, Compromise who you are?

Today I was talking to a friend who is questioning her relationship with her ex. And the main issue is the expectations they have of each other. He wants someone that wants to settle, and She wants someone to support her ambitions and dreams no matter where they take her. But, where is the line between compromising for the sake of your relationship, and changing who you are for the sake of your relationship?

We’ve all compromised on some miniscule level with our partners. Let some annoying habits slide, cringed but kept our mouths shut when they said something inappropriate, embarrassing, or just wrong. But what happens when those compromises start adding up. And one morning you wake up to the startling realization that you love this person so MUCH, you’ve let loads of shit slide under the rug to the point that you look at the person you were before them, and come to the conclusion that you love/respect that girl (or boy) MORE, than who you are now.

Based on my observation, aside from blinding love, the key to long lasting relationships is compromise. Which is totally understandable and logical.

Two different people, with differing opinions, on different things, someone’s gotta give sometimes. But before you enter into a serious relationship, you have to, HAVE TO, have fallen in love with someone for who they are and who THEY want to be. Not for whom YOU want them to be. The person they are today is who they will be tomorrow. If they didn’t want to change for themselves, why would you think they would change for you? It’s their essence, their core, their light. And who are you to snuff that light out? Whether they are settled and you want them to be ambitious, or they are assholes and you want them to grow up. I refuse to fall in love deluding myself into thinking that I’m going to make someone “better” or “different” according to MY ideals of what they need to be. That’s Fucked up! I fell in love based on who they were. Based on THEIR current ambitions, and visions of what They would do, and who THEY would be. And I was there to support them and those dreams. Never in that equation did I expect them to be anything different, than who they showed me from the beginning. And I would expect the same in return.

I heard this great quote from Dave Chapelle that goes “name your price and if it ever get’s more expensive then the price you named, get out of there.”  When it comes to relationships, compromising, and changing who you are whether you term it “growth” or “maturing” in a relationship, this advice applies. Name your price. What’s your line in the sand? Going out dancing less?, Sacrificing some of your dreams or ambitions? Travelling?, Time with your friends?, Relationships with your family?, Messiness?, Jealousy?, Behavioral habits?, Hygiene habits?.  What is YOUR price?. And if they refuse to compromise on your bottom line price, then get the hell out of there. I would rather be alone and love/respect the woman that I am or have become, than be married or in a relationship, lonely, giving up everything I used to hold dear to me, just to receive the love of a man that never truly loved me, or respected me enough to accommodate my wants and needs, but instead only gives his love to the woman HE chose me to become.

*Some food for thought 😉

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Hilarious ecards… Enjoy ;)

At the touch of Love everyone becomes a poet – Plato

So tonight is one of those girly movies, chick flicks night. Hurricane Isaac has me grounded. And I’m simultaneously watching “Julie and Julia” as well as “The Wedding Date”. Two of my favorite movies. And those of you who know me are very well aware, that as much as I put up a front of a hard ass when it comes to love. At my core I’m truly a hopeful romantic. Not hopeless since I know he’s out there for me. Waiting for our moment in time when we’ll be together. I’ve always felt in the depths of my heart, from the time when I crushed on Darien from sailor moon as a child, to Devon Sawa, Slash from Guns-n-Roses, Justin Timberlake, Usher, etc., but most importantly the essence of whom my love would truly resemble, the ever timeless Mr. Darcy, that true love, everlasting love, love that’s easy, hard, full of laughter, some tears, love that compromises, and is stubborn at times, Love that lasts 60+ years of marriage, through the years you adored each other, but most importantly through the years you couldn’t stand the sight of each other. That love does exist.

And so, I want to share with you some of my all time favorite love quotes. The lines from poets, movies, books, and songs, that in the privacy of my heart I revel in. Hope you enjoy 🙂

“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
― Dr. Seuss

“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.”
― Pablo Neruda100 Love Sonnets

From the movie Practical Magic:

Sometimes I feel like there’s a hole inside of me, an emptiness that at times seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean. The moon tonight, there’s a circle around it. Sign of trouble not far behind. I have this dream of being whole. Of not going to sleep each night, wanting. But still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing… I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen. I don’t know. Maybe I had my happiness. I don’t want to believe it but, there is no man, Gilly. Only that moon.

Practical Magic:

Gillian Owens: You ever put your arms out and spin really, really fast?
Antonia Owens: She does it all the time.
Gillian Owens: She does? Well, that’s what love is like. It makes your heart race. It turns the world upside down. But if you’re not careful, if you don’t keep your eyes on something still, you can lose your balance. You can’t see what’s happening to the people around you. You can’t see that you’re about to fall.

*From the movie Troy (Achilles to Briseis as he’s dying):

Achilles: You gave me peace in a lifetime of war.

From the movie Wedding Date (a couple of quotes from Nick):

Nick Mercer: I’d rather fight with you than make love with anyone else.

Nick Mercer: The hardest thing is loving someone and then having the courage to let them love you back. But if you know her shit and she knows yours, and at the end of the day if you still would rather give up than try, nothings ever going to be worth it.

Nick Mercer: I think I’d miss you even if we never met.

Nick Mercer: Here’s to the husbands who’ve won you, the losers who’ve lost you, and the lucky bastards who’ve yet to meet you.

Jane Austen – Pride and Prejudice

Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy: You must know… surely, you must know it was all for you. You are too generous to trifle with me. I believe you spoke with my aunt last night, and it has taught me to hope as I’d scarcely allowed myself before. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes have not changed, but one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.

Jane Austen – Persuasion

“You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope…I have loved none but you.”
― Jane AustenPersuasion

“I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant. You alone have brought me to Bath. For you alone, I think and plan. Have you not seen this? Can you fail to have understood my wishes? I had not waited even these ten days, could I have read your feelings, as I think you must have penetrated mine. I can hardly write. I am every instant hearing something which overpowers me. You sink your voice, but I can distinguish the tones of that voice when they would be lost on others. Too good, too excellent creature! You do us justice, indeed. You do believe that there is true attachment and constancy among men. Believe it to be most fervent, most undeviating, in F. W. I must go, uncertain of my fate; but I shall return hither, or follow your party, as soon as possible. A word, a look, will be enough to decide whether I enter your father’s house this evening or never.”
― Jane AustenPersuasion

Music: Flyleaf – All around me

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I’m breathing
Holding on to what I’m feeling
Savoring this heart that’s healing

My hands float up above me
And you whisper you love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place

Music: Stevie Nicks – Crystal

How the faces of love have changed turning
the pages
And I have changed oh, but you…you remain
ageless
I turned around
And the water was closing all around
Like a glove
Like the love that had finally, finally found me
Then I knew
In the crystalline knowledge of you…

 Music: Death Cab for Cutie – I’ll follow you into the dark

Love of mine some day you will die
But I’ll be close behind
I’ll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no’s on their vacancy signs

If there’s no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I’ll follow you into the dark.

From Bob Marley:

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”
― Bob Marley

So True

Life’s a Fair…. and what a Ride it has been

Yesterday I had a couple of catalysts that ultimately caused me to have one of the best epiphanies of my life. The first catalyst was my Ex’s announcement of his new relationship. The second was a text from my friends letting me know that they had been talking about me and how much they love me. Those two catalysts happened very close to each other. And they both touched me in different ways. I’m currently in the process of trying to change career’s which entails more school. And immediately after receiving those two messages I felt oddly liberated and looking forward to my new life and where it’s going. I got on the internet and searched all my possibilities, searched all the countries I want to see, the adventurous experience I want to have like skydiving and jumping from a gorgeous cliff into crystal blue waters, I imagined the people I would meet, the love I will find, the friends that will be by my side. And this revelation made me reflect on my life and how I’ve been living it.

One or two years ago I went to the Fair and got on a ride I would never touch out of fear, I ate things I never thought I would eat, I was pushed out of my comfort zone by my friends and ex, and had one of the best Fair days ever. As I was driving to work today it hit me that Life is like a Fair. There are rides you will never go on out of fear, those that you can’t get enough of, those that you try once and are too terrified to do again, and those that are so boring you don’t care to give a second chance. You go into the Fair wide-eyed, excited, nervous, anxious. Some of us will dare to go down every alley and see it all. Some of us will choose certain paths and not stray from it. You can’t wait to see what prizes you will win or what games you’ll lose. And as you walk out towards the long crowded parking lot, you’ll reflect on everything you saw, did, experienced, and decide whether you had the time of your life and are content with the Fair, or if you wish you had chosen differently, seen more, spent more time there, or could have changed something.

Everyone strives to leave the Fair (Life) saying, “I had the time of my life, no regrets, no shame, laughed, loved, cried, was daring, experienced everything I was meant to, and I hope to be there next time you come to town, IF there is a next time.” I think back upon my life and am in awe of my Fair. I have had friends push me out of my comfort zones and I have ridden rides I never imagined I would dare to. I have seen things, won grand prizes, and lost great games. My heart is full and all I look forward to is how much fuller it can get before it bursts. You know how people say, ‘I love you, but I’m not in love with you’. Fuck that shit. I’m IN Love with everyone.

*I’m In Love with my nieces and nephews, for reminding me of how precious pure love and unbridled innocence can be. As we age, whether in large amounts or small increments, life makes us jaded in some regards. But if only we could go back and remember what it’s like to run and catch bubbles on a summer day with the sprinklers wetting us. Or to walk into Disney world, stop, and stare at this wonderful land where true love exists, good always defeats evil, and everything, no matter how crazy an idea, is possible.

*I’m deeply In Love with my brothers’ and sisters’. They held my small hand in theirs and made sure that I would travel through life under their protection, learning from their successes, as well as from their failures. They combed my hair and sent me to school. Taught me how to fight for everything I want to get in this life and stand up for myself and others when called for. They taught me how to mostly pass off as a girl 😉 (That one is still in the works).  They wiped away tears, cried at my successes, imparted their wisdom to me, and gave me the best kids an aunt could ever ask for. And I know that no matter what, should I ever fall, they will be the ones, arms wide open, ready to catch me, brush off my scraped knee, and help me get back up.

* I’m In Love with my friends. They are not afraid to bully past my bravado and pride to enter my soul and push me out of my comfort zone to make me a better ME. To my wifey J, we have been inseparable for over a decade. As much as I am your rock, I want you to know that you are my anchor. You keep me grounded, and let me know it’s ok to fall on your face, be a little crazy, and get onto the next chapter life has in store.  To E, you are my wings. You inspire me to see the world, be humble, positively impact the lives of those that cross my path, and because you I see this world through a kaleidoscope. Full of colors, wonder, differences, and a gorgeous light that no one can snuff out. No matter how much they try. To B, I have never met someone that pushes their friends to be the best that they can be in every aspect of life and would move heaven and earth to make it happen for them. Whether it’s in my career, my future career, my financials, my health, my heart, my mind, you are my net. Sometimes I’m so hopeful in my climb that I don’t think of the possibility of the fall. And when I fall you are there to catch me mid air, and help me climb up again. To V, you my friend are my courage. You give me the push and strength I need to get out of my comfort zone and strive for more; for better; for different. You remind me that it’s ok to have a heart and feel. I don’t always have to be the rock or hard for others. You let me know it’s ok to have a rock of my own and to lean on it when I needed. Pride be damned. To Jy, of course you fall into 2 categories as my sister and best friend. As my older sister we have held each other’s hands since I was 11 and we have travelled through life without letting go. You have been my partner in crime. You let me know its ok to fail, fall on your face, embarrass myself, but that there is no shame or regrets in the attempt to fly. Whether it is with boys, love, school, friends, life, we have held each other through it all. And I am so grateful we were fated to be together, holding hands as children, until we are forced to let go as old bittys. And even then I know we’ll hold hands again in the future.

*And finally, I’m In Love with all of those who held my heart or my body. Since middle school they have made me feel things I never knew were possible. You have made me feel joy, excitement, nervousness, exhilaration, ecstasy, pain, and love. Sometimes we focus so much on all other aspects of life and we ignore our hearts. Guilty as charged. But whether they were a short ride in the Fair, not worth the tickets, or a longer ride that made your heart race, they have all made my heart what it is today and made others have to be worthy of receiving it. They all played their part and made choices that have opened doors for someone better or different to take their place. When my heart was broken over a year ago, I was so focused on the pain and the hurt that I didn’t realize the gift I was given. My Ex wanted to become a better man for me on his own, at the risk of losing me. He saw something that I didn’t see. He saw the flaws in himself and felt they needed to be fixed for us to have a future together. All I saw was an asshole breaking our hearts for no good reason. But for some reason I could never truly bring myself to begrudge his decision. And so, as my first true love, I will say, I’m in Love with you. For loving me enough to let me go when you needed to. Sometimes that’s the best gift anyone could give to their partners. If it’s meant to be, then eventually it will be. And if not, then at least we have the freedom to let our ‘Meant to be’ find us. And so thank you. I could never begrudge you wanting better for yourself. That’s the only thing I would ever want for you. Your happiness. And so with that being said, I wholeheartedly wish that you get everything you ever want in life. Thanks for the ride. And my gift to you in return is wishing you leave this Fair saying “I had the time of my life, no regrets, no shame, laughed, loved, cried, was daring, experienced everything I was meant to, and I hope to be there next time you come to town, IF there is a next time.”

He just got “Flock of Seagulled”

Where to begin. If you’ve ever seen ‘New Girl’, remember the last episode of the season, where Schmidt tries to break-up with Cece by ‘White Fanging’ her? Anyways, he just read a book called White Fang and he feels as if Cece would be better with someone as pretty and talented as her, and he feels like he doesn’t deserve her so he acts like an ass to her, breaks up with her, and shoos her away like a dog (based on the book he just read ‘White Fang’). He does this so she can find happiness at the cost of them not being together. I could say my Ex ‘White Fanged’ me. LOL.

Anyway, I gave this background because on Sunday night I ‘Flock of Seagulled’ my long term ‘In Betweener’. If you don’t know what an ‘In-Betweener’ is just read the first paragraph of my previous post.

I was hanging out with my friend’s on Sunday night and somehow the subject of ‘Tuesday’ my In-Betweener came up. He was going to try to come over to my place Sunday night so we could hook up. My Friend commented that she can’t believe in July it’s going to be a year of us sleeping with each other without having some kind of deeper relationship. My guy friend, who is the male version of me, said “Oh, he’s your casual Boyfriend”.  Within the seconds it took my inner ear to send that sound wave to my brain which translated and heard BOYFRIEND! BOYFRIEND! BOYFRIEND!…my brain exploded with a ringing ALERT, ALERT, GO TO BATTLESTATIONS, THIS IS NOT A DRILL…. Sirens were going off at full volume. I told them, “NO! He’s not my casual boyfriend!”. And like a scene from an elementary school playground it was a back and forth of “Yes he is!”, “NO! He ISN’T!”. And by the time I left my friend’s place I felt white as a ghost in the car. He’s not my boyfriend! I don’t love him, he doesn’t love me, we’ve never been on a date, sure he slept overnight once but that doesn’t mean we’re monogamous with each other. He can fuck other chicks! I can fuck other dudes! And no matter how I tried to ignore the ‘B’ word, or justify my point, the sirens in my brain where still going off in full force.

So sitting in my car, still in the parking lot of my friend’s house, I ‘Flock of Seagulled’ his ass. “And I RAN! I Ran so Far Away! I just Ran, I Ran all night and Day!”.

How did I achieve this you may ask? Let me begin by saying that I freely admit to having the emotional maturity of an 8 year old when it comes to dumping someone. I have written ‘Dear John’ letters, told them their voice is too deep and they sound like a rapist, they look like a white monkey, they need to grow a pair of balls and man up, etc. I’m a Disaster. I don’t know how to reject someone and I hate doing it (unless they piss me off). I’ve actually tried breaking things off with Tuesday before, by ignoring his texts. But that backfired because when I don’t text him back asap, he gets annoyed/insecure, texts me a whole bunch, I then feel guilty, chicken out from cutting ties, and we have sex again. However, for the last couple of months he’s been acting kind of vague and weird when I ask simple questions. For example, I asked if he normally works late or what his schedule looks like. He mumbles something like ‘sure; work late’ and changes the subject. I literally start laughing. I can’t help it. He has a look in his face like I want to squeeze information out of him for devious purposes. Listen, he works at a Ruby Tuesday. First of all, I’ve never been to one. There isn’t one near me. I would never waste the gas to go to one just to see him at his job. I asked for his work schedule so I know when I can call him to come over so we can hook up. So picture this, we just had great sex, we’re both in the shower talking shit and I ask him this question. He gets all awkward and vague, I immediately start cracking up in laughter, he asks me why I’m laughing and I don’t have the heart to tell him that A: I’m asking questions with a logical purpose, B: I’m trying to be a bit more polite than usual, you know, like I care a bit. And this happens multiple times. The look on his face when he avoids the topic is Epic. Like a deer in headlights. And for some reason I don’t have the heart to tell him that there’s no way I’ll fall in love with him. I think that’s his fear. But, realistically dude. Why would I fall for someone that told me he is as emotionally unavailable as I am. Second, in a way, he reminds me of my Ex. And I don’t want to get ‘White Fanged’ again down the line. We have never been on a date. And I barely know anything about him. If I remember correctly he’s from Georgia, 29, I think he has 1 brother, I know he has an Aunt here in Miami, and he works at a Ruby Tuesday. Yup, that’s all a girl needs to know in order to give her heart away to a boy. Just because I opened my legs for you doesn’t mean I opened my heart too. If anything I locked it up a little bit more because you put out so easily. And so the only way I could ‘Flock of Seagull’ from him was by giving him his worst nightmare. I texted him like 4 times about how badly I wanted his cock, then sent a text about how drunk I was (totally not true, but I had a feeling it might offend his Christian sensibilities), and then sent another text apologizing for all the texts and ended it with ‘ttyl’. Haven’t heard from him since. I realize he might come out of the woodwork later on. But for now, the sirens in my head have been silenced. Did I totally panic? Hell Yes, and maybe Overreact? Maybe. But what can I say, I thought I was ready to fall in love again, and I wanted a boyfriend. I wanted to have what I lost about a year ago. At least that’s what I thought. And when I was told I had a Casual Boyfriend I freaked out. Maybe I’m not ready. Or maybe I’m just not ready with Tuesday. Who knows? All I know is that if I fall in love again, it won’t be because I was looking for it, or because I decided to try to love again. It will be because Love found me. And I stumbled on a rock and fell face forward onto it. And hopefully it will be with someone that I won’t want to ‘Flock of Seagulls’ from. 😉